Cultural Studies

"Ballad of the Macaroon"

By Kevin Coval
Recorded live at the 2009 Latke-Hamentashen Debates
Presented with permission from Newberger-Hillel Center

Kevin Coval raps about macaroons’ superiority to latkes and hamentashen.

In the style of a battle rhyme:

Let me start with hamentashen:
You’re not tasty.
You taste like a doorstop
More than a sweet pastry.
I’d rather eat pickled beets
Than rise to your bread daily.
It’s no wonder
Towards slumber
You’re left untouched
On a table screaming:
“Why do kids hate me?”

Hey man, I’m a macaroon.
You tried to be me when you graduated.
But flunked out and went back to school.
And that’s not that cool.
You know who the ’uck I am.
That’s not fresh fruit in your center.
It’s some Smuckers™ jam.

And I see you trying to hook kids
With them poppy seeds.
But I’m a heroine like Esther.
There’s no stoppin’ me.
You might have three corners,
But I’m isosceles.
You’re worn on the heads of goyim.
I’m a yamulke.
Anyone who likes you should have a lobotomy.

Well, I sit home
With my sick flow alone and watchin.’
I’d rather burn in the oven
Than be a hamentashen.
And my flow’s preposterous,
But this is the ballad of the macaroon.

On my esophagus,
Next to be eaten is some latkes,
A potato who festers underground
Like an ostrich.
I’m a riddler on the roof,
but I’m not rich.
But you know who I am.
A latke doesn’t know which side to choose
Like Joe Lieberman.

I mean, is it sweet or savory?
Are you a dessert
Or served next to brisket with some gravy?
That’s right I’m crazy.
I’m a coconut.
And this is a smack down.
I smash you like some applesauce.
You are some hash brown.

Salty getting’ bashed now.
Treated like it’s Halloween.
Most Jews are lactose intolerant.
So why you served with sour cream?
Come and follow me.
I’ll teach you to bake right.
It’s Happy Hanukah every day
’Cause I’m the one chosen over eight nights.

This is right.
It’s the ballad of the macaroon.
And I’m cake-like.
I could be U of C’s mascot
If you didn’t know how to spell me.
But I’m a macaroon.




Wikipedia: Latke-hamantash debate

University of Chicago Press: Excerpts from The Great Latke-Hamantash Debate


Chicago Maroon: Latkes, hamantashen still polarizing after 62 years (Nov. 26, 2008)

University of Chicago Magazine: Shticking to Their Puns (Dec. 2005) Hanukkah Food Smackdown! Latkes vs. Hamantashen (Dec. 22, 2008)